Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
