I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
