This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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