Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
