My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
