i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
