Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
