y did u give ur computer a hand job?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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