so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
