Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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