Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
