The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
