sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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