My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
