New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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