Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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