CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
