So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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