there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Randomize
