He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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