She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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