So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
