Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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