Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
