i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
