So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You're so nebulous sometimes
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
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She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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