Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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