I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
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