its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
