Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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