the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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