Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
