you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
