Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
he fucked my hip out of place.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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