she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
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This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
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I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
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