Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
