you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
