PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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