if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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