I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
