I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
