Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
