You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
