I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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