I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
