Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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