After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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