But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
