You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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