Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
