Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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