what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
