Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
