You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
