It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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