I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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