Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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