It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
