Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
