I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
false alarm. still invincible.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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