did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
