erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
