Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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