It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
