don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
