I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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