you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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