Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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