dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
