my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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