I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
